


June

by authorstarlight



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus' Perspective, Canon Compliant, First and Last Love, M/M, Manipulative Gellert Grindelwald, Manipulative Relationship, My First Work in This Fandom, POV First Person, Summer 1899, Summer Love, Tragic Romance, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 01:26:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17715434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/authorstarlight/pseuds/authorstarlight
Summary: "I prefer spending my time with trying to capture this moment in all its details, so I will be able to keep it in my memories forever. The golden light of June and the warmth that I’m not just feeling on my skin, but also in my heart. This unknown, but wonderful feeling that has been claiming me since you’ve walked into my life – this feeling of being complete."





	June

**Author's Note:**

> My first Grindeldore fanfiction! I'm completely in love with this pairing and might write more about them in the future!  
> This little oneshot is also particularly meaningful to me, because until recently, I was in a friendship/relationship that was of almost the same nature as Albus' and Gellert's, and writing this story helped me move on from it a little bit.  
> I originally wrote and published this in German on a German fanfiction page and translated it into English myself, so if you find any mistakes, feel free to let me know!  
> 

_He slept a summer by my side,_  
_he filled my days with endless wonder._  
_He took my childhood in his stride,_  
_but he was gone when autumn came._

 

It’s quiet up here on the hill, so peaceful. Nothing can be heard, apart from the rustle of the leaves when the occasional breeze blows through them, the singing of the birds and the crackle of paper when you turn to a new page in your book. I have a book resting on my lap as well, but I have stopped reading several minutes ago. I prefer spending my time with trying to capture this moment in all its details, so I will be able to keep it in my memories forever. The golden light of June and the warmth that I’m not just feeling on my skin, but also in my heart. This unknown, but wonderful feeling that has been claiming me since you’ve walked into my life – this feeling of being complete. We have met only two weeks ago, and yet, I feel like I have known you for so much longer than that; I cannot even imagine that there has ever been a time when we _didn’t_ know each other, and don’t even want to imagine that you could also easily walk out of my life again, leave me again. No, I’ll rather close my eyes, lean back against the trunk of the huge willow we’re sitting under, feeling the warmth, the _freedom,_ and wish that I could just stop time and thus keep you by my side forevermore.

Next to me, the grass rustles, and I feel you lay your head on my shoulder.

“You’re not reading anymore. Is the book this boring?”

I smile, and slightly shake my head. “I just needed to close my eyes for a little bit. To think.”

“Hm. What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing important.”

You lift your head from my shoulder again and give me a playful shove into the side. “C’mon, Al, tell me. You can trust me.”

 _I know_ , I think to myself, because it’s true. I trust you more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life. Sometimes, I even trust you more than my own family. I let out a sigh.

“It’s nothing important, Gellert. I was only… I was only thinking that I feel like I have known you for longer than just two weeks.”

You’re silent for a moment, then you lay your hand upon my arm. “I feel the same. I cannot even imagine that there has ever been a time when we _didn’t_ know each other.”

Eyes still closed, I turn my head away, so you don’t see my cheeks flush. Something like that happens almost all the time, you thinking the exact same, _feeling_ the exact same as me. It’s one of the reasons I feel so free when I’m with you. Because you understand me without me ever having to say something. With you, I can just be myself, without feeling strange or weird.

“Albus.” Your hand now rests upon my shoulder. “Look at me. Please.”

Reluctantly, I open my eyes. Your breathtakingly beautiful face is so close, and your mismatched eyes stare into mine with a gaze so intense that it makes me feel like I am the only thing in the whole world that is important.

“I am glad that we’re… friends,” you whisper.

At the first moment, I can only give a shaky smile. When I finally manage to utter the words “Me too”, you gently brush an auburn strand of hair out of my face. You smile at me, then rest your head on my shoulder again and turn back to your book. I can only stare into the distance, hoping you won’t notice how fast my heart is beating right now. My forehead still burns where your fingers have touched me a moment ago.

 

Such touches grow more and more frequent over the following days and weeks. They are always just brief touches; so brief that I can never quite grasp the meaning of them. One time, we’re sitting on my bed, reading, and suddenly, you lay your hand upon my wrist, your thumb gently stroking the back of my hand. Another time, you’re pacing up and down the room, talking and gesturing with excitement, before stopping all at once just to stare at me with this intense gaze of yours and gently cup my cheek in your hand, smiling, before pulling back just as abruptly as you have reached out. And eventually, one afternoon, we’re lying on the meadow behind your aunt’s house, discussing the Hallows, when you sit up, lean over me, and the warmth of the sun on my skin mixes with the warmth of your hands as you lay them on either side of my face and I only have time to make a surprised noise before your lips close over mine. I don’t know how long the kiss lasts; I can barely breathe.

“Gellert… why…?” I can only say when you pull back again. You only laugh and brush your thumb over my bottom lip. Then, you jump to your feet.

“C’mon, let’s see if we can find more information about the Stone in Aunt Bathilda’s books!”

Feeling almost hypnotized, I let you pull me up and back into the house. Your previous words – that one should theoretically also be able to use the Stone to create an army of Inferi – have completely been pushed to the back of my mind again.

 

Every now and then, an inner feeling tells me that something is wrong. Sometimes, some small, hidden part of me doesn’t like the way you talk about something; sometimes, for a split second, I see something flare up in your eyes that frightens me. But it is gone again so quickly each time that I’m strictly convinced I am only imagining it.

“Albus,” you say in a pleading tone, after a comment of yours about how the Muggles should all be either eliminated or imprisoned has caused me to jump to my feet at once and I’m thinking about leaving and never coming back again. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t think. Please stay.”

I turn around, frowning. “We said that we would only use violence where it’s _necessary_ , Gellert. And we also said that Muggles are still human beings and deserve to be treated with respect by us rulers.”

“I know. I’m sorry. _Please_ , Albus.” You stand up and take my hands in yours. “Please stay,” you whisper. “I didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want to lose you, I never ever want to lose you.”

You sound so fragile all of a sudden, your hands are slightly shaking and I feel my new born resistance die again. “Do you promise that you were really not being serious?”

You nod, squeezing my hands tighter. And I believe you.

“Albus,” you whisper another time, after I’ve objected to something you said and you have angrily snapped at me in return. “I’m sorry. Please. I don’t know why I… I don’t want to treat you like that, I don’t know why I’ve done that…”

And again, you sound so fragile, so scared – almost as if you’re afraid of yourself – and I forgive you almost by instinct.

 

Only after two months, at the end of the summer, when you raise your wand, cold cruelty written all over your usually so beautiful and gentle features, your voice, the voice that I usually love so much and that suddenly sounds so foreign in my ears, utters the word “ _Crucio!_ ” and the screams of my brother mingle with my own cries – “No, no, stop, Gellert, please, stop, make it stop, don’t hurt them – “ – only then, I’m suddenly shaken awake. That which I have always seen only so briefly in your eyes and dismissed as imagination now fills them entirely, and then, everything happens so quickly that the first moment I am able to recall clearly again is Ariana’s lifeless body lying on the ground – my little sister, _dead_ – and you turn around and run, without a glance back, without hesitation.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Albus, not ever,” you’ve said to me just a few days ago.

 

 _Why_? I will ask myself that question over and over again, my entire life. Why couldn’t I have been the one hit by the curse? Why am I still alive, I don’t deserve it. I should be the one resting beside my mother in the cool ground, my name should be the one beside my mother’s name on the white gravestone. Not Ariana, not her name. She has done nothing wrong, she has been innocent… it has all been my mistake, my blindness… my fault…

 

And the years go by, but you will not leave my mind or my heart. You stay, the memories of your touch, your smile, your warmth, your voice, your face. Every June, every summer reminds me of you. Whenever I close my eyes on a sunny day, I can almost feel your warmth again, your hand holding mine, and your laugh and your voice ring through my ears – “ _C’mon, Albus, I have to show you something!”_ – and when I open them again, I am alone once more, remembering the reason why. It is painful, so painful, Gellert; I miss you, even though I know I shouldn’t, even though I know it is _wrong._ I catch myself again and again, thinking about whether you have ever been honest or serious about your feelings at all. Probably not. You very likely just used me, as a means to an end, toying with me until I no longer was of any use to you and your goals and you threw me away. I hate myself for seeing your mismatched eyes in the Mirror of Erised. You don’t deserve it, you don’t deserve that I’m still thinking of you, you don’t deserve that I still love you. You have used an Unforgivable Curse against my brother, you are partially at fault for the death of my sister, and yet, I’m standing here, both of my hands pressed against the mirror glass, face contorted with longing and self-hatred. Despite everything, you still are the only person who has ever truly understood me. And I… I couldn’t imagine anyone but you by my side. You have ruined me, Gellert!

 

Several more years pass and your ascent to power seems unstoppable, everything sinks into chaos – in Europe, you already have entire countries under your cruel control, they say – people disappear, die, and nobody can stop you… nobody except me. They ask for my help, again and again, and I pace up and down in the abandoned classroom of Hogwarts, glancing into the mirror every now and then, as if to assure myself. It is not you I see anymore; rather, it’s my family smiling back at me through the looking glass: my mother, my father, my brother… and Ariana. I can still not imagine ever being with someone that is not you, but… I cannot love you anymore, Gellert; not after you have committed all those terrible crimes and killed so many people. Not after you decided to use my own words – “ _For the Greater Good.”_ – as justification for all your cruel deeds. No, now, I’m scared. Scared of the truth, scared of finding out who is truly to blame for the death of my little sister. Scared of you, because you remind me of the greatest mistake of my life, because you symbolize my greatest weakness. And scared because I don’t know if I can fight against someone whom I deep down still cannot hurt, whom I do not want to hurt.

 

But eventually, I cannot stand it any longer. Day by day, more innocent people die by your hands, just because I cannot bring myself to face my fears. When I finally confront you, my fingers tightly clutching my wand, it’s June again – so it ends in the same month in which it began, I think to myself, a bitter smile on my lips – and the sun is shining, just as it has done in those golden days and weeks all those years ago.

You grin at me. “You’re still just as beautiful as you were back then, Albus.”

Rage fills me – how dare you, after all that has happened, how dare you try to use me again, toy with me again, as if nothing has changed – and I fire my first curse at you which you dodge easily. I don’t know how long the fight lasts. For the majority of the duel, nobody has the upper hand; we’re truly equals. And then, just for a split second, I am distracted and your curse hits me right above my left knee, excruciating pain floods me and I collapse to the ground. I try to stand up again, but to no avail – the pain is so strong I can only sink back onto the damp earth, panting and hearing your steps come closer until you kneel down beside me. You look at me, eyes filled with sadness, and despite everything, your face is still so unbelievingly beautiful… you raise your wand, open your mouth… hesitate… one second, two seconds, three seconds…

“ _Expelliarmus,_ ” I breathe with the last of my strength and your eyes widen when the Elder Wand is torn out of your hand and I catch it, despite my own wand lying on the ground several metres away. You stare at me, as if you are seeing me for the very first time.

“You… you’re a genius, Albus,” you murmur and brush a strand of hair out of my forehead, and for a moment, it feels like we are young again, lying underneath the huge willow on the hill beyond Godric’s Hollow. I somehow manage to sit up; my hand shaking as I point the Elder Wand at you. Behind us, I can hear the first Aurors apparating and start to feel dizzy – the wound above my knee is bleeding rather profusely. My vision blurs, and I hear steps, many steps, running towards us…

“I loved you,” I whisper.

You’re still staring at me, your gaze never leaving mine. And then, your eyes fill with tears.

_  
_

_And still I dream he'll come to me,_  
_that we will live the years together._  
_But there are dreams that cannot be,_  
_and there are storms we cannot weather._

**Author's Note:**

> The lyrics are from the beautiful song "I Dreamed a Dream" - I just had to put them in here, because they fit Albus and Gellert so beautifully!


End file.
